Sooo this week I am going to Hawaii

and I am fatter than ever.
So needless to say, I am quite upset about that.
Everyone is going to see me looking disgusting in a swim suit and frolicking around and jiggling...
that is going to be my punishment; public humiliation.
Public humiliation for one week, and during that week AND after,
I will have learned my lesson, because I am learning it NOW beforehand, and this punishment of mine is going to be what seals the deal.

I am going to lose 30lbs this month.
And I am going to get skinny again.

:)

So there had been this box in my garage, full of dark chocolate that I had been binging on for the last month or so.
And I just threw it away. :)
The box still had a shit load of chocolate in it, and I threw it the fuck out.
I feel like I just accomplished something huge today.
That and I declined ice cream and cake today.

BUT
I did binge. (on cherries, and that damn chocolate and on pastries)
But I am going to shove my finger down my throat as many times as it takes for me to get all of that shit out of my body.

I can do this.
I want this change.

:(((

I am going to break the vicious cycle once and for all.
I am tired of saying that and not doing anything.
But I am more tired of being uncomfortable in my own skin than anything else.
Shit.

fail.

All I ate yesterday was breakfast.
I ate lunch today.
A big lunch at that, and dinner later.
I had a grande frap, pannini, and cookie from starbucks.
Then for dinner I had two enchiladas.
My stomach hurts. I feel super obese.
I feel disgusting.
So I'm going to throw up after I'm done posting this.'

I just wanna have balls enough to go on a water fast and get super skinny.

welp

today and yesterday I ate.
I ate a banana and three cookies yesterday.
Today I ate a lot more than that. But it was all spread out throughout the entire day. So I DID NOT BINGE :)

BUT
Since it is now May and I am still fat, I really fucking need to get my shit sorted out.
Because I AM GOING TO BE SKINNY FOR THE FIRST WEEK OF JUNE AND THE REST OF SUMMER AND FOREVER
so I am fucking doing this fucking ludicrous water fast all the fucking way.

WISH ME LUCK!!